my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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