I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
