Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
