You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
