i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
