I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
