Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
