I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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