apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
