who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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