Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
