last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
being pregnant is like rehab
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
