John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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