That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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