Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
