i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
