is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
