My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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