Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
