I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
