I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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