Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize