Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
