i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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