The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We have so much sex to catch up on
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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