He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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