My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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