my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize