I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
