that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
