her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
