if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
