I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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