idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
