your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
a search helicopter?!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
