why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
