Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
