i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
