I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Less talking, more tequila
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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