She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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