Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize