He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
