so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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