How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
