"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
