on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
