Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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