It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
