What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
