I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
