It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
