What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
