I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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