I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
