I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
