Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
