Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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