watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
