you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
