My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
