I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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