If that was your dad, he is hot
I want to make a zoo with you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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