I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
