Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
