I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
whose parrot is this?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
