You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
