I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
