I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"