last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
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and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence