Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
