i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.