apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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