people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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