it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
