guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
