Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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