A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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